The Proximate Peril
by RockSunner
Summary: What if the Baudelaires left the hotel with the taxi driver? Contains spoilers for Book the 12th. They learn the amazing secret of the sugar bowl.
1. Taxi

This is a new what-if story based on book 12. Usual disclaimer: these characters belong to Daniel Handler, not me.

**The Proximate Peril**

As I have mentioned before, there are rings of ripples spreading out from a single decision. Such was the case that night when the Baudelaires faced a choice about whether to trust the taxi driver who asked them, "Are you who I think you are?"

"We don't know," said Sunny.

Just then, somewhere in the famous Hotel Denouement lobby clock (located in the center of the ceiling at the very top of the dome) a gear slipped. It was well before 3 o'clock in the morning, but the chimes rang out anyway.

_Wrong_! _Wrong_! _Wrong_!

It seemed to the Baudelaires to be a last message from Dewey Denouement, warning them that they were going very wrong indeed.

_Wrong_! To no longer know who they thought they were. _Wrong_! To doubt they were noble enough. _Wrong_! To fear that they couldn't judge who was a villain and who a volunteer, to distrust the judgment that told them to trust this taxi driver in front of them.

Mr. Poe rushed toward them, mumbling something about children from a broken home being destined for a life of crime.

"Let's go," urged Klaus.

The three dived into the back seat of the taxi. Sunny landed on the accordion that had been laid carefully in the back seat, creating a loud and squashy sound. The driver accelerated away, leaving Poe waving his arms behind them for the second and last time.

I still do not know if they made the right decision by coming with me that night. I do know that many ripples were created by this one choice. The Baudelaire's choice delivered them from one peril, but left them faced with many new ones. Their peril at the hotel was not their ultimate peril, or even their penultimate one, but merely the proximate peril, the next in a series of perils that would pursue the Baudelaires and myself for the rest of our unfortunate lives.

"Are you?" asked Sunny.

"What my sister means is, are you who we think you are?" Violet said.

"Of course I am who you think I am," I said. "I'm a taxi driver."

Sunny made a rude noise.

"You can't satisfy us with an answer like that," said Klaus indignantly.

"You're right," I sighed. "After all that has happened I owe you a full explanation. I won't be like my sister and fob you off with a brunch and a mission."

"So you're the third Snicket sibling?" said Violet. "We heard about you, but nobody mentioned your first name."

"You'll recognize it," I said. "I'll tell my whole sad story in a bit. But first, we're far enough away now that I can stop and let out the woman who's hiding in the trunk."

The children gave a start when they heard this.

"Who?" asked Sunny.

I pulled the car into a dark side-street and pushed the button to pop open the trunk. My friend climbed stiffly out, got in the front passenger door, pushed a damp object aside, and sat down.

"Regina, these are Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire. Baudelaires, this is my friend the Duchess of Winnipeg."

"Call me Duchess R.," she said.

"Why were you hiding in the trunk?" asked Violet.

"I'm on the run like my friend L.," said Duchess R. "With all the villains and volunteers in there I was afraid I'd be recognized."

"I guess we're on the run, too," said Klaus. "Now more than ever. They think we're murderers for a second time, this time with more evidence."

"Maybe we should have stayed and tried to clear our names in the High Court," said Violet. "Justice Strauss and Jerome Squalor would have helped us."

"Doubt," said Sunny.

"They weren't much help when Count Olaf was threatening us with the harpoon gun," said Klaus. "They may be noble people but they're let us down before."

"You can't count on the High Court," I said. "Two of the three of them are terrible villains. I believe you've met them: the man with a beard and no hair, and the woman with hair and no beard."

The children gasped.

"Does Justice Strauss know that? Is she a villain too?" asked Violet.

"No, it's a well-kept secret," I said. "Everyone in court is always blindfolded when they work, so no-one has connected them with their criminal identities. I wouldn't have known myself if I hadn't attended court one day in a fake blindfold as part of my investigative research."

"Why didn't you expose them?" asked Klaus.

Duchess R said, "They're too powerful. They have friends in high places. We don't dare even call them by name. Once they find out we've spoken with you, you'll be in more danger than ever."

"V.F.D.?" asked Sunny, which I took to mean "You haven't told the V.F.D.?"

"I haven't even communicated with my sister in years except in rare secret messages," I said.

"We have to warn our friends not to go there!" said Violet. "The Quagmires and Kit will be arriving tomorrow and they'll land in a trap."

"We were supposed to devise a code to signal them," said Klaus. "How can we do that now?"

"With a little time and the right equipment I could rig up rocket flares that would shoot up over the Hotel and explode," said Violet. "I could make them spell a message to keep Kit and the others away."

"I was sharing the trunk with some suitcases a hunchbacked villain left behind," said Duchess R. "There may be some equipment we could use in there."

"You were giving a ride to Hugo, Olaf's henchman?" asked Violet.

"I was driving the taxi following you this morning," I said. "Hugo, Colette, and Kevin were my passengers."

"Why?" asked Sunny.

"A taxi will pick up whoever signals it," I said.

"You still haven't told us your first name," said Violet.

"First, tell me your mother's name," I said.

"Father always called her Belle," said Klaus. "Why?"

"That's just a pet name -- it means beautiful in French," I said. "I knew her by the name Beatrice. And my name is Lemony."

"Ex-fiancee," said Sunny, meaning "Yes, Mother told us the name of the man she almost married."

"She never used the name Beatrice around us," said Klaus. "Wait a minute -- EsmÃ© Squalor said someone named Beatrice stole her sugar bowl."

"That was your mother, I'm afraid," said Duchess R. sadly.

"Our mother wouldn't steal!" said Violet. "And what was that nonsense Olaf said about our parents, a box of poison darts, and a fateful night at the opera?"

"I'm afraid that's true, too," I said. "Your parents killed Olaf's parents that night. I was there, and I saw it happen!"


	2. Opera

**Chapter 2**

"Don't believe," said Sunny fiercely.

"Sunny has a point," said Violet. "Mother told us she broke up with you because of something awful you did. How do we know you're telling the truth?"

"Listen to me, please," I said. "I'm innocent. Captain Widdershins betrayed me years ago. There was a Daily Punctilio article accusing me of arsonous crimes. He insisted it was completely true, and showed it to Kit and Jacques, to the Baudelaire parents, and to the woman I happened to love..."

"That's an odd thing for you to say," said Klaus. "I thought our mother was the woman you loved."

"She was... Oh, I see the source of your confusion. I was speaking of long ago, the year Beatrice broke our engagement. The only Baudelaire parents back then were your father's parents. Widdershins showed them the article, and they told Bertrand. He went straight to Beatrice and proposed. Distraught over my supposed crimes, she accepted him. It broke my heart."

"We're sorry your heart was broken, Lemony, but we can't be sorry our parents married, because we wouldn't exist," said Violet.

Klaus said, "I'm willing to hear your side. What did you see that night at the opera?"

"I had heard rumors that something terrible was going to happen during a performance of _La Forza del Destino_, so I infiltrated the orchestra as an accordion player. Nothing unusual happened on opening night. Olaf's parents, Countess Natasha and Count Maurice, were singing the roles of Leonora and Don Carlo, respectively."

"Who?" asked Sunny.

"I suppose I should summarize the plot. Leonora, the daughter of the Marquis of Calatrava, has fallen in love with Don Alvaro, a man her father considers highly unsuitable. In the first act, the Marquis catches Don Alvaro sneaking into the house in the middle of the night in order to elope with Leonora. Don Alvaro takes all the blame and throws to the floor the gun he brought with him. The gun accidentally discharges when it hits the floor, fatally wounding the Marquis, who dies cursing Don Alvaro and his daughter Leonora."

The Baudelaires shuddered.

"Something like that just happened to us," Klaus said.

"I'm sorry to hear that," I said. "Don Carlo is Leonora's brother, and he swears revenge on the two lovers. Much disguising follows, and in the final act Don Carlo discovers Don Alvaro disguised as a monk. They duel, and Don Carlo is mortally wounded. When Don Alvaro nobly calls for assistance for his victim, who should show up but Leonora, who was living nearby disguised as a hermit to atone for the death of her father. Leonora rushes to her brother's side, but with his last strength he stabs her to the heart to fulfill his vow of vengeance. Don Alvaro then throws himself off a cliff in despair. So by the end of the last song, everyone is dead."

"Scary," said Sunny.

"Vengeance is a terrible thing in real life too, as you will see. Nothing happened during the first half of the second performance, except that I saw Esmé Squalor in the crowd, looking everywhere through an enormous pair of opera-glasses. I sneaked out into the lobby during intermission. I saw your parents moving through the crowd to the snack bar, and then I saw Kit following them. Kit slipped behind the counter of the snack bar just before Esmé looked in that direction.

'A box of licorice jujubes, please,' said your father to Kit.

'Here,' said Kit, 'May he feel what Dewey felt.' She handed him a licorice jujubes box with two bulging lumps inside.

"Your mother moved to another counter and purchased a poster of the opera, tightly rolled around a cardboard tube. Beatrice looked stunning that night in a bright red shawl decorated with eagle feathers in memory of the time she was carried off by eagles in the Mortmain Mountains. She wore it when she was going do something dangerous and wanted to feel extra-daring."

"We never heard about our parents' early adventures," said Violet.

"They were extraordinarily brave," I said. "Both were lion-tamers in the early days, training the Volunteer Feline Detectives. They were known to be willing to take any risk for the V.F.D."

"What then?" asked Sunny.

"I went back to the performance with a heavy heart, fearing that whatever terrible thing would happen would involve Beatrice. They were sitting in the front row, and I was able to watch them from my place in the orchestra by using a small periscope.

"At the climax of the opera, I saw your mother remove two small darts from the jujube box. Just after Don Carlo stabbed his sister, she placed one of the darts in the cardboard poster tube and put it to her lips. I was horrified when I saw what was about to happen. I made a loud, squashy sound with my accordion in warning, but it was too late. Beatrice blew first one dart, then the other, into the prone figures of Don Carlo and Leonora.

"When the audience stood to applaud, your parents slipped out the side door. It soon became apparent that Count Maurice and Countess Natasha would not be rising to take a bow."

"Mother kept that poster," said Klaus in a choked voice. "She said she never wanted to forget that night, the most interesting time she ever had at the opera."

"I feel sick," said Violet.

"Olaf?" asked Sunny.

"Count Olaf wasn't there that night, but Esmé must have seen what happened and told him. That same day, one year later, your house was burned down and your parents perished. As I said, vengeance is a terrible thing."

"It's getting very late," said Duchess R. "If you want to make a signal flare for the V.F.D., we'd better move into position."

"I'm not sure I feel much like a volunteer anymore," said Violet. "What's the point in warning Kit?"

"Quagmires," said Sunny.

"All right, I'll do it for them," Violet said.


	3. Shrubbery

**Chapter 3**

I drove the taxi into the spot in the hedge where Kit had broken through, then nosed it into the shrubbery where it would be well-concealed.

"This is as close as I can get safely," I told the Baudelaires. "Will this do?"

Violet tied back her hair with a ribbon. "I think so," she said. "Do you have any calcium carbide?"

"I have a carbide lantern for exploring underground secret passages," I said.

"Good," said Violet. "I'm going to make a carbide rocket for launching signal flares."

She got Hugo's suitcases out of the trunk and set to work. "I can use this suit with a torn back for wadding, and gasoline siphoned from the car as an accelerant..."

While she worked, we all discussed our findings.

"Lemony, what do you know about what's been going on at the hotel?" asked Klaus. "Do you know what Count Olaf is planning?"

"I had a few reports from volunteers late in the afternoon. One who works there as a chambermaid disguised herself as a banker to get to the sixth floor (only guests were supposed to be there at that time of day). She bored a hole in the wall to check on the status of the elevator. Some villain had cut the cable part-way through, but they didn't succeed in disabling it. She also heard an annoying song from directly upstairs about a ballplaying cowboy superhero soldier pirate."

"Carmelita!" said Sunny disgustedly.

"Yes, the awful little girl with Esmé," I said. "It tells me the elevator damage is probably part of a scheme to trap the volunteers who go to Esmé's cocktail party."

"We heard about the cocktail party," said Klaus. "It definitely sounds like a trap. Anything else?"

"Olaf has been known to disguise himself as a rabbi," said Duchess R. "Frank reported a cranky rabbi in room 296. A volunteer went up to check that room when Olaf was out. He found what he thought was a secret message on the wall."

"What said?" asked Sunny.

"It was nothing," I said. "It was a quote from the Torah about Passover, in mirror-writing like everything in the hotel. Apparently the room had supplies so guests could hold a Passover seder. Olaf left no clues there at all."

"Frank, or maybe Ernest, told us about that rabbi too," said Violet. "He was probably suggesting we check him out."

"You and Duchess?" asked Sunny.

"I went diving in the ocean," the Duchess said. "I was checking to see if Fernald and Fiona were lurking there in the submarine they stole from Olaf. I found nothing."

"What side are they on now?" asked Klaus.

"Not Olaf's, but not our side either, we think," I replied. "As for me, I stayed near the steam funnel. I was expecting Hugo to come back for the suitcases in the taxi trunk, but he never did."

"Did Frank mention anything else to you that might be a clue?" asked Duchess R.

"Frank or Ernest gave a long, rambling speech right after the bells rang at the concierge desk," said Violet. "It might have been code."

"Sebald code," I replied. "You skip ten words between each word in the message. But unless you can remember precisely what he said, we can't decode it now."

"Can't" said Sunny sadly.

"I just remembered Frank or Ernest said guests might hide something under the sofa cushions in the lobby," said Klaus.

"We should definitely check it out," said Duchess R.

Klaus noted all these points in his commonplace book. Sunny found bread and cheese in the second suitcase and made us all sandwiches. Violet continued to work on the flare gun, but seemed to be finding it difficult. The sky began to brighten with the dawn.

"Oh no!" said Violet. "The flares won't show well unless it's dark."

"We'd better stay put," I said, watching the Hotel Denouement through a Vision Furthering Device. "Cars full of police officers and the Royal Guard are pulling up around the hotel. They seem to be surrounding the place. And there's the long, black automobile with tinted windows that the High Court Justices use."

"You mean the High Court villains," said Klaus. "I have nothing but contempt for that court now."

A large black crow flew overhead and dropped a message. The Duchess picked it up.

"Frank says that they are holding the trial a day early because of Dewey Denouements' death last night. They are going to try Olaf, and also you Baudelaires in absentia," Duchess R. said.

"'In absentia' is a phrase meaning that you won't get a chance to tell your side of the story," I explained.

"Never mind," said Violet. "We wouldn't have gotten a fair trial anyway, with two out of three of the judges being villains."

We continued to watch the hotel, taking turns with the Vision Furthering Device. At about 11:30 Klaus saw someone move furtively on the roof, but they got whatever it was they wanted and slipped back inside too quickly to see who it was.

At noon, three things happened at the hotel. First, there were loud chimes of "_Wrong_! _Wrong_! _Wrong_! _Wrong_! _Wrong_! _Wrong_! _Wrong_! _Wrong_! _Wrong_! _Wrong_! _Wrong_! _Wrong_!" from the lobby clock.

Second, Count Olaf appeared on the roof. He pushed the boat that Carmelita had used for her swimming-pool pirate ship onto the roof edge on the sea side. He jumped in and pushed off with one of the tanning spatulas. There was a faint scream of "Mommy!" followed instantly by a crash.

Third, there came a whole chorus of choked screams and coughs from the hotel.

"Something terrible is happening in there!" said Violet.

"Got to go help!" said Sunny.


	4. Hotel

**Chapter 4**

"It's very risky going in there," I warned. "We can't let the authorities see us. We'll have to go through the underwater Hotel Denouement."

I knew Dewey had told them; the Baudelaires were not surprised when I led the way to a secret door concealed in a rock.

The underwater hotel was a sideways mirror reflection of the above-water one. The passage entered through the middle of the "swimming pool" at the "top" of the hotel. Room doors were underfoot and overhead. Air was pumped in, and there were lights which the upward-facing window shutters kept hidden from the surface. Instead of an elevator there was a people-mover running the length of the building.

"Who knows what mysteries are stored here," said Klaus, his eyes shining with wonder. "I wish we could stop and read."

"No time," said Sunny curtly.

The people-mover took us to the "basement" level.

"There's a passage from Room 020, Library Science, to the corresponding room in the hotel," I said.

We stepped into the hotel corridor to a horrifying sight. Justice Strauss lay bleeding, a comprehensive book on injustice in her hand and a harpoon through her chest. She was still alive, barely.

"B-baudelaires!" she gasped.

The children ran to her side.

"What happened?" asked Sunny.

"My fellow Justices... turned on me... held me and taped my mouth... Olaf carried me off... the Justices covered for the noises I made... kept the trial going... while Olaf dragged me down here."

"What did he want with you?" Violet asked.

"To open... Vernacularly Fastened Door... sugar bowl there... Very angry... I couldn't help him... don't know the medical condition you all share."

"We're all allergic to peppermints," cried Violet. "If only we had been here, we could have opened the door and you'd be all right."

"Not your fault... Olaf was so angry... he shot me and swore he'd destroy everyone..."

"How?" asked Sunny.

"Medusoid..." sighed Strauss, and it was her last word.

"NO!" Klaus shouted.

We ran for the elevator and rode up to the lobby. It was a scene from a horror movie. Blindfolded people lay everywhere, gasping and coughing on the floor. Medusoid Mycelium mushrooms grew on every surface, and they were waxing. We saw Mr. Poe, Geraldine Julienne, Esmé, Carmelita, Jerome Squalor, Sir, Charles, Nero, Remora, Bass, Ernest, Frank, Hal, V.F.D. villagers, Hugo, Colette, Kevin... everyone.

I did a bold but foolish thing. I sprinted to a couch labeled 135, turned over the cushion, and found the small object I was looking for. I ran back to the others and held the object out to them, averting my face.

"I had to get that," I said with a cough. "Even though it cost me my life. Please give this to the family in room 594. They've been looking for it for nine years." I coughed again. "They're living here secretly, so they won't have gone to the trial."

Duchess R. grabbed my arm instead and pulled me into the elevator. "Don't be stupid!" she said. We'll find some horseradish and fix you up."

"Leave me, or you might get infected too!" I demanded, but they wouldn't listen.

"Sunny, is horseradish or wasabi ever used in Indian cooking?" Klaus asked.

"Horseradish sometimes," Sunny said.

Violet pushed the button for the ninth floor. I was worried about using the elevator with its damaged cable, but I was in no shape to take the stairs.

In the kitchen of room 954 we got a shock when we saw a note on the counter: "We took all the wasabi and horseradish from the hotel restaurants. So long, suckers. J.S."

"J.S.? It can't be Jerome Squalor or Justice Strauss!" said Violet.

"Since I'm dying anyway I'll tell you the real name of the man with a beard and no hair -- Justice Screwtape," I said.

"What will we do? We can't get back to the car and drive to get horseradish in less than an hour," the Duchess cried.

"Passover!" said Sunny.

"Sunny, your cooking knowledge has done it again! Horseradish is traditionally served at Passover as a 'bitter herb'," Klaus said. He consulted his commonplace book. "There are seder supplies in room 296."

Down the elevator we went again, with the cable creaking.

In a small pantry next to the wall with the backward Hebrew inscription was a jar of horseradish. We each took a spoonful.

"Thank you," I said from the bottom of my heart, a phrase which here means "with deep gratitude for being saved from a horrible mushroom death."

"Now we can go down and save as many of the others as we can," said Violet.

"_Wrong_!" came the chime of the enormous clock.

"We heard coughing starting at noon," gasped Klaus. "It's too late."

"If only we had stayed," said Violet. "We might have prevented Olaf from poisoning all those people."

"You can't know that for sure," the Duchess said.

"Could have," said Sunny tearfully.

"What happened to Olaf, anyway?" asked Klaus. "Did he get away?"

I looked out the window onto the sea side.

"No," I said.

The ship had fallen straight down on a small strip of sand beside the hotel and smashed to bits. Olaf had a broken piece of mast piercing his heart.

"He didn't account for gravity," said Violet. "I would have rigged a drag chute."

"The only thing left to do is to get the doily to the Kornbluth family and get them safely out of here," I said.

"A doily? You risked your life for a doily?" asked Klaus.

"A Very Fancy Doily," I replied. "I'll explain later."

We rode the elevator up to the fifth floor in silence. The door of 594 was not locked, so I pushed it open. The walls were lined with mostly-empty tropical fish tanks.

"Ryan Kornbluth! It's safe for you and your family to come out now. We found the doily."

A very skinny man, woman, and a young boy came out from behind a tank where they had squeezed to hide.

"Y-you mean it? Thank heavens!" said the man.

"We've been living here for nine years. We checked the lobby every day," said the woman.

"We ran out of money," said the man. "We've been living on mollusca for months. We started in on tropical fish when those ran out."

"I hate squid!" said the boy.

"Your wait is over," I said. "Here it is."

I handed Ryan the doily and he read what was written on it. His jaw dropped.

"We have to get out of here, now!" said Kornbluth. He grabbed his wife and child by the hands and took off running.

"Wait for us!" I called out. "Don't go through the lobby!"

They didn't stop, and I don't know if they took the safe route through the underwater passage or not. But I have excellent reason to believe the boy at least got out safely.

"What in the world is going on?" Klaus asked.

"What was written on that doily?" asked Violet.

"Tell now!" demanded Sunny.

"Very well," I said. "It all has to do with the sugar bowl."


	5. Bowl

**Chapter 5**

"It all started with C. M. Kornbluth," I said. "Not only was he a mechanical instructor at the Valley of the Four Drafts headquarters, but he was also the most brilliant physicist in the V.F.D. of his time. He made the most fantastic inventions."

"I wish I could have met him," said Violet.

"He had a dream that one day knowledge from the future could be sent to the past. He wrote a short story for Astounding magazine called 'The Little Black Bag' about a medical kit from the future arriving in the present. Of course, as he warned in his story, he realized that such a thing could be abused.

"He never managed to send back large objects, but he created a small machine, a Vehicle of the Fourth Dimension, that could send messages on specially-treated doily paper of a certain type. A doily might pop onto his desk saying 'This message was sent at 2:00pm' when it was only 1:30. Half an hour later, he would send the message back to himself."

"Excuse me," said Klaus. "I see a possible time paradox. What would happen if he didn't send the message at 2:00pm?"

"He tried that once, but at the given time he had a sort of mental blackout, and when he woke up from it he found he had sent the message after all," I said.

"Interesting," said Klaus.

"Why family wait?" asked Sunny.

"It was a calibration experiment," I said. "He had to know how far back it would go. Kornbluth calculated the maximum range to be 50 years. He got his son Ryan to promise that Ryan's son Dale would send a doily back at the maximum setting when Dale reached the age of 60. It appears the maximum is actually 41 years, so they have been waiting here for nine years. Without such an experiment we had no way to target messages accurately. They had to wait in secret so that no villains would intercept the message."

I picked up the doily Ryan had dropped and read it aloud (In this written account I will obscure the dates for security reasons).

"I, Dale Kornbluth, am sending this message on March 12, 2xxx. I remember our family received it on October 18, 2xxx, the same day the Hotel Denouement burned to the ground and my parents died."

"No wonder they ran," said Violet. "But there's no fire. Do you think his parents ran through the Medusoid Mycelium and they died from that? Maybe his memory played tricks on him."

"Or maybe the fire is just starting," said the Duchess. "We'd better get out of here."

We ran down the stairs to the basement, avoiding the elevator just in case.

Just as we reached the Vernacularly Sealed Door, Sunny stopped.

"Burn down hotel," she said.

"What?" said Violet.

"Burn down hotel," Sunny said again.

"Why?" asked Klaus.

"Destiny. Signal. Mushrooms," said Sunny.

"I see..." said Violet. "The hotel is probably going to burn sometime today, anyway. If we do it now, it will signal the Quagmires not to come -- and it will destroy the Medusoid Mycelium before it can spread."

"Yes," said Sunny.

"I agree, but I'm not any good at starting fires," I said.

Klaus checked his commonplace book. "Behind the Vernacularly Sealed Door, Dewey said there were flammable liquids. The sugar bowl must be there too; we have to get that."

"No," I said. "We already have the sugar bowl. I checked the angles yesterday afternoon. I knew it wouldn't fall into the funnel but into the lake. The locked laundry room was a decoy."

"I deserve some credit, too. I was the one who dove into the lake and got it," Duchess R said.

"You said the doily secret had to do with the sugar bowl," Klaus said.

"Where do you think the Vehicle of the Fourth Dimension is hidden now?" I asked.

"Esmé's bowl?" Sunny asked.

"Esmé' said she would offer her sugar bowl to the V.F.D. to hide the device," the Duchess said. "It was watertight, virtually unbreakable, and the ceramic helped mask it from detectors."

"But once the V.F.D. used it, she claimed the whole bowl and its contents were hers," I said. "She wanted to use it to make piles of money on the stock market. Beatrice had to steal the bowl back, and I helped. Esmé never forgave her. It's another piece of the vengeance that lead to her death. What I am hoping to do is to send a message back in time to save Beatrice. It almost worked once."

"What do you mean?" Violet asked.

"Sixteen years ago, I got a doily message in my own writing warning me that Olaf would try to kill Beatrice. I tried for fifteen years to give her that message, but she refused to see me or read anything I sent her. Finally, I had the chance to deliver it at the Duchess' last masked ball. All I could get out was 'Beatrice, Count Olaf is..' before the palace guards grabbed me and arrested me. It wasn't enough... by the time I escaped it was too late." I began to sob.

"I've got the door open," announced Klaus. "I found the last answer in the book Justice Strauss had, Jerome Squalor's comprehensive book on injustice. We should keep it for evidence."

The Baudelaires piled up dirty sheets and doused them with flammable liquid.

"Here," I said. "Use my cigarette lighter." I tossed it to Klaus, not having the heart to start a fire myself after what happened to Beatrice.

"I haven't seen you smoking since last night when you picked us up, Lemony," Violet said. "You aren't really a smoker, are you?"

"Only when a well-directed puff can make the difference between being recognized and remaining incognito," I said. "Vaporous Fume Disguises. Sir was a master at it, though he was never trained by the V.F.D."

We got back across the lake and stood for a moment watching the flames devour the once-but-no-longer Last Safe Place. Now no place was safe.

"Where do we go from here?" I asked the others.

"To sea, to help the Quagmires," Violet said.

The others nodded.

Little did we know the fate that awaited us, which will be continued in the next volume, "The Distressing Destiny." I beg of you not to read that depressing work.


End file.
